it's too hot outside to masturbate.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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