I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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