What a fucking waste of an outfit
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
