Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
