he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
