I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
