had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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