I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
