Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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