sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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