dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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