Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
