apparently the secret to your success is patron
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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