I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
