Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I just gift wrapped bread.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Randomize
