I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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