It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
