I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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