It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
