Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
