This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Randomize
