so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
