Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face