I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.