afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
