He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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