so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize