So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
