Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
id be glad to
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
