Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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