just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize