Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
