I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
