If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Randomize
