Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
