Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
