dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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