i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
