I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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