In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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