Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Someone came in the potted fern
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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