I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
