and next time when you feel me up, do it right
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
