Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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