You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
