How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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