separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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