I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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