I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
So here I am, sexting at work.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
