it's too hot outside to masturbate.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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