I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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