Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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