i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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