He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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