I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
