i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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