I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
