why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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