like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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