i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
