this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
