i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
