Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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