It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
