I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
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