it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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