I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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