The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
