After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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