If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
