hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
