he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
