the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Randomize
