I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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