I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
