so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Found your dick twin last night
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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