Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
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The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
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Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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